Tag Archives: solitude

Learning from life


A young Nepalese classmate came up to me after the last lecture yesterday and whispered in my ear that she wanted me to know that I am her inspiration. She is beautiful, intelligent and has an elegant sense of peace. It was moving and flattering.

Then I came home, drank too many glasses of wine, watched too much rubbish on the iPlayer and looked at pictures of the ex on the ‘net…..sad indeed. Bet my little Nepalese friend would not be so impressed with that version of me! I am certainly not.

As a result, I have spent a large part of today thinking hard about who and what sort of person I am at this stage in life. I am not happy with myself, although not unhappy with life per se. The future is exciting, I am fortunate with all I have both material and opportunity wise. Thanks to bloggers all over, I am learning how to live a more streamlined, frugal life, BUT, I could still be more caring, thoughtful, reflective and respectful.

It is important to learn from life’s slip ups. That young woman sees a version of me that I would like to be more often. Without being false.  She has helped me reflect and face a few rude truths and I am grateful.





A sense of order


With all that is going on and the way my mind works (a bit like a spinning top) it is very easy to get sucked into a state where it all just seems TOO MUCH.

Living alone, I recognise that it is always going to be up to me to get on with things, no-one to nag or remind me and no one to help or to share the load. It isn’t bad though. I get to do things how and when I like…but I am very, very easily distracted.

I also recognise that by focusing on things, one at a time, there is a higher chance that tasks will be completed, done well and in time (if there are deadlines).

My lovely friend LE gave me a ‘Things to do Today’ pad and it is so cool it took over a week for me to write in it!!! Grand were my plans for it…..

It has its first list in it now. Stuff on paper that no longer has to jostle for space in my head. A MANAGEABLE list.

The relentless 9-6 (or 7) days are coming to an end soon and there will be time to do the things that I worry about. It is liberating to see them written down and I feel a bit more relaxed.

The charity shop has a new driver too and they will be coming to get the furniture in a day or two….woohoo.




Shutting off


It has been a hectic week with long shifts, some horrible weather and a daughter who is doing all she can to manage her demons. She has gone back now and it was a wrench, but only she can live her life. My job is to be here for them both if they need/want me.

At the same time in Australia, there has been another operation for my father and for a few days no contact from mum. We are all reconnected now and things are as good as they can be with them for now.

A sister is now in Italy for a few months and in a week or so I hope to be able to plan a short trip there, using no less, my NECTAR points for the airfare…

Oldest turns 21 today and is enjoying the love she feels from her friends and loved ones. Well deserved too.

I am in a state about the exam next week so have cleared the desk, written a list of the things that have to be done around the house/for the ex/for student finance etc. so that it does not have to whirl around in my head while I try to focus.

The mobile is off, and I hope by shutting myself off from the world for 48 hours or so I will be able to retain enough for a reasonable mark. Feeling surprisingly nervous and lacking in confidence this time around.  Need to overcome that!!




Thoughts on recent news and the weekend


While plodding away in the hotel room with the odd peek at the news etc. on my mobile, the news about the attacks in Paris started pouring in. On went the TV and as I did for 9/11 I watched for a few hours while people everywhere tried to make sense of what was going on. During the night I kept checking and then texted my sister in Sydney. She was up in the wee hours tidying after a late night and we agreed on the horror.

The following morning on the train (via Gatwick) the news came through that the North Terminal was closed and someone was subsequently arrested there, disrupting, for their own safety, the travel plans of thousands for hours.

In a very wet London the streets were heaving. Apparently it was the Lord Mayor’s Show, which I was unaware of. But there was a marked police presence and many police vans parked in side streets. I did what I went to do in certain shops and made my way to China Town, to Jen Cafe, my fave for dumplings and noodles. I had not eaten all day and relished the meal.

To get out of the rain I went to the Curzon Cinema and saw The Lobster. It was clever, the dialogue so stilted, the people with so few expectations, and it left an uneasy feeling, which is good!

Back to the hotel room and time to reflect. These are my opinions so here goes.

Despite the brutal loss of life in Paris, one wonders why we do not also react similarly to the losses that take place daily in Syria, in Beirut and in many other parts of the world. There seems to be a sense of outrage that someone else’s war has come to Europe. My heart goes out to those who suffered and those left behind, but it also goes out to the people on flimsy boats in icy seas risking death to get to safety. Is it safety or is whatever fate waits better than where they are from? And what about the millions of displaced people in camps and those still arriving who and who face a bitter winter with few supplies.

And then there are in this country our own homeless, lonely, isolated, hungry people.

I think we need to start at home, give to local food banks, donate decent warm clothes and blankets, recycle our glasses, do not waste what we have, appreciate it.

I am thankful for the time I had alone, it gave me the opportunity to think about many things. I am grateful for my life.

Winding down


Coming to a hotel was a good idea. It is very soothing being alone. I checked in, had a cup of tea in the nifty room, and then went a bought a swimsuit (with student discount!!) and a salad and some fruit for dinner. Before eating, I swam, only for half an hour, but it was wonderful. There were three other women in the pool quietly bobbing around and chatting but it still felt peaceful. There is something about being in water, maybe the buoyancy effect, but it is easy to think and ponder and to wind down.

Healthy meal, some rubbish TV and now a bit of pathophysiology.