After successful surgery and we hope the all clear, the ex and I have settled into a routine of sorts. We have taken turns to cook meals, I have played nursey a bit, but he is healing fast and well. We have had a meal out, seen a film, had coffee in town, talked about some of the things that need to be done on the house, his life in paradise and have sat side by side on the sofa watching programs on the iplayer.
9 years ago this week we arrived in England full of hope and concern for the family we were creating. Daffodils are in bloom now, as they were then. It did not work out. Previous baggage, unrealistic and unshared expectations, my depression and his controlling nature were some of the reasons.
But this last few days as I listen to tales of paradise, I see a man that while is intelligent and sometimes very funny, is someone who thinks nothing of comparing our lives and situations. He told me my choice (for monetary reasons) of moving to the next town was dodgy, it being a horrible, dangerous place, but was ideal for me and my new start in life!!
We just didn’t know each other well enough when we made the commitment. Our values differ too much. He said he visited a holiday villa that rents out for $35,000 A NIGHT in the peak season on the island…he said at first he thought it was unjustifiable, but after looking round decided it was probably worth it. I think his head has been turned. He bemoans the fact that ALL his friends are millionaires and it is so hard for him.
Those two comments alone do not sit well. Friends are people that you like, respect, have an interest in and they reciprocate that. And with all the homeless, stateless, starving, scared people around the world hoping just to survive, I cannot see the justification in such a property.
So while it has been adult and peaceful and in some ways good to have the company, I found myself feeling very sad today as the dog and I walked on the farm.