Tag Archives: Nursing

All at sea


It has been a bit of a bumpy ride since the exam. Nothing dreadful, just out of sorts and not myself. Lost focus and lots of niggles.

It feels like pieces of a jigsaw are missing. I can’t move till I find a house and I can’t look for one until the flat sells, and He who lives in paradise is concerned that plummeting stock markets have made it difficult for him to produce the dosh etc, and it is all a mishmash of things not happening.

A 3000 word essay is due Tuesday night and I am about half way through. I have lost my drive. It was the one thing that kept me going, the degree, nursing and the future, but right now, even that has gone. (It will return, but it is not a good feeling when my true passion has faded).

It is a matter of (again) re-evaluating, making priorities, and taking manageable steps to get things done.

It does not help that apart from dog walks there has been no serious exercise. Endorphins really do work!

Oldest daughter had a blip at uni this week, boyfriend and other things and has been packed off home for a few days by her tutor for some TLC. It is hard when you are young and have to learn about the painful side of love. She arrives tomorrow. Having her here will be nice, although she warns me that she plans to sleep a lot!

I have vowed to do SOMETHING on the essay tonight , just to feel as though progress is being made. I have also downloaded ENDOMONDO on my phone – an app I used to have and used all the time.

I do this, flounder and then attempt to rally and boost myself up again,  we all do no doubt. But it is a bit like being all at sea, bobbing around, waiting for other things to fall into place so that I can get on.

But one thing happened today that was very unusual and very welcome. A large sum of money hit my account from Student Finance. I immediately allocated it to various places that will cover upcoming expenses, to my cash ISA and have some left which I plan to invest! (Part of my plan to put something towards my dotage as I do not have a pension here….). There are some who might think that student finance is for living on, it is, but I am so frugal at the moment that I do not for now, have to touch it. That may change when I come to buy my new home, so it may as well work for me while it can!

Wall Street – watch out!!!


why do we feel bad about getting help?


I was at the uni today, the plan was to gym then study, before seeing the Head of the programme, but ‘the best laid schemes of mice and men…’ etc etc….

My nose has been streaming and it is bitterly cold so it was warm woollies and tissues for me all day, no sitting in a draughty library and no lycra!

When with the Head, she suggested given my current situation that I should apply for extenuating circumstances….this reeks of failure and weakness and all sorts of negative stuff. She patiently explained that if I were NOT going through this whole divorce, moving out, adjusting etc thing, then they would expect that the only thing that would impede my work would be me. However, with all this going on it is not likely that I am performing at my best. (True).  I talked it over with LE and tonight have submitted a request. It means that I can do the work but if I do not do well I can have another go without punishment. Not sure how fair it sounds, but I do know that I have been diligent and have only missed two days. I have worked long and hard at all aspects of the course and on placement, but really felt as if I was floundering before the exam.

Makes me wonder why it is sometimes so hard to accept the help offered.




Shutting off


It has been a hectic week with long shifts, some horrible weather and a daughter who is doing all she can to manage her demons. She has gone back now and it was a wrench, but only she can live her life. My job is to be here for them both if they need/want me.

At the same time in Australia, there has been another operation for my father and for a few days no contact from mum. We are all reconnected now and things are as good as they can be with them for now.

A sister is now in Italy for a few months and in a week or so I hope to be able to plan a short trip there, using no less, my NECTAR points for the airfare…

Oldest turns 21 today and is enjoying the love she feels from her friends and loved ones. Well deserved too.

I am in a state about the exam next week so have cleared the desk, written a list of the things that have to be done around the house/for the ex/for student finance etc. so that it does not have to whirl around in my head while I try to focus.

The mobile is off, and I hope by shutting myself off from the world for 48 hours or so I will be able to retain enough for a reasonable mark. Feeling surprisingly nervous and lacking in confidence this time around.  Need to overcome that!!




Catching up


There are many jobs that need doing around the house and it is a constant catching up exercise at the moment. Hard to think that this time last week I was heading for the ferry in Calais.

Since then my dad has been rushed into hospital by ambulance. Happily, he is out and well and recovering and my sister is going to stay with him and mum for a week from tomorrow. I wish they were all not so far away.

I have also had four 12.5 shifts in a hospital about 2 hours from home by train.

I have seen a carotid endarterectomy – the removal of the portion of inner lining of the carotid artery that is partially blocked….I was with the patient from admission to recovery and the anaesthetist talked me through the whole op. The patient was awake, but of course felt nothing.

I have seen a endoscopy performed. The gut is like another world.

I have held hands, laughed, fetched bedpans, made beds, measured and tested urine, escorted a confused and wandering patient back to their ward, taken obs, watched dressings on ulcers being done and met a bunch of people who while doing their work, took time to answer questions, teach, correct and encourage.

Now I need to turn all that into skills and knowledge so that I can be the best nurse I can. That is the hard part. At times I worry and feel anxious and then realise that just about everything I do and see is a new experience so if it was all taken in my stride it would probably indicate complacency.

This week I have also worked hard on establishing barriers with the ex. He was not happy that I suggested his demands for me to answer his questions were not urgent – they aren’t and only become relevant once I move out. When there was time and I was ready, I wrote the email and answered the questions.  His emails seem needy and he claims it is all such a huge struggle, but this belies the FB activity, so to cynical me it is a ploy to kindle sympathy and bolster him up. This I have not done.

Another very good bit of news is that Juno the Jack Russell (best wee dog ever) has met and fallen in love with her new doggie walker. It has been so stressful leaving her on the long days. I take her out the minute I get home, if it is not raining, and walk her as much as I can when I am off. Previously we only did the fields, but now we are doing town as well and she comes to the bank and other places (which she HATES). She stands whining really loudly or jumps as high as the counter to show she is ready to go NOW! If it has no appeal to her, she lets everyone know.

It is an expense, but to me, worth every penny to have her exercised, socialised and to break up the long days alone.

I have been making packed lunches and avoiding spends, like not one bought coffee all week, although there are some. Best frugal effort of the week was making a soda farle when the bread ran out….frugal yes, lead like also. OMG, if dropped from a plane it would wipe out an entire city!! But, I sliced and toasted it…but definitely needs work!

Have a good Sunday folks. Dog walking, streamlining and study on my list today.