Tag Archives: friends

Little things

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My wonderful stepson is on a working holiday in Australia right now. To be able to extend the visa for another year he has to work on a farm for three months. The job he arranged fell through and he has had a tough time finding something to replace it.

The ex said he would speak to his friends about it. Having spent years of my life in rural Queensland and going to school with girls who left to become jillaroos on huge properties, and even owners, I suggested I put the word out too.

I did, on FB, and within an hour there were 3 offers/suggestions and phone numbers to exchange.

My stepson was thrilled and said he was now feeling much better about it all. It is up to him to make something of the connections, but it irked me when I told the ex and he was dismissive. The ex claims that the help was not needed but thanked me for trying. Silly man. I have messages that clearly say otherwise. There is one much more at ease young man sorting out the next stage of his life now.

The little things count. My stepson talking to me about his worries. Amazing people, some I have not seen since school, rallying to help. The power of friendship and connections even if it is electronic.

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Reflections on a marriage

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After successful surgery and we hope the all clear, the ex and I have settled into a routine of sorts. We have taken turns to cook meals, I have played nursey a bit, but he is healing fast and well. We have had a meal out, seen a film, had coffee in town, talked about some of the things that need to be done on the house, his life in paradise and have sat side by side on the sofa watching programs on the iplayer.

9 years ago this week we arrived in England full of hope and concern for the family we were creating. Daffodils are in bloom now, as they were then. It did not work out. Previous baggage, unrealistic and unshared expectations, my depression and his controlling nature were some of the reasons.

But this last few days as I listen to tales of paradise, I see a man that while is intelligent and sometimes very funny,  is someone who thinks nothing of comparing our lives and situations. He told me my choice (for monetary reasons) of moving to the next town was dodgy, it being a horrible, dangerous place, but was ideal for me and my new start in life!!

We just didn’t know each other well enough when we made the commitment. Our values differ too much. He said he visited a holiday villa that rents out for $35,000 A NIGHT in the peak season on the island…he said at first he thought it was unjustifiable, but after looking round decided it was probably worth it. I think his head has been turned. He bemoans the fact that ALL his friends are millionaires and it is so hard for him.

Those two comments alone do not sit well. Friends are people that you like, respect, have an interest in and they reciprocate that. And with all the homeless, stateless, starving, scared people around the world hoping just to survive, I cannot see the justification in such a property.

So while it has been adult and peaceful and in some ways good to have the company, I found myself feeling very sad today as the dog and I walked on the farm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Goodbyes are exhausting

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Early this morning the taxi arrived to take him to the airport. I got up to see him off and to check over the list of things to do…he said that he was surprised that none of us, the girls and I, had asked him anything about his new life. It seems that everyone he met this holiday did, that they were interested in him and what he was doing. He said it was amazing that we had not shown the same level of curiosity.

How does one show all that while at the same time being berated with complaints and accusations and reminders of how much damage one has caused to another human being? How does one show that when the other party talks constantly about themselves when not moaning?

He complained to me once at a dinner party that while the host and guests were nice, he was not enjoying himself because no-one asked him any questions about what he did….

He did however kindly wish me well in my studies and I said that I hoped he would be well and happy and that was it.

Odd, awkward, exhausting.

Thank goodness for decent friends is all I can say. Decent friends and FACETIME. Half an hour on the phone to a lovely one in Japan and my spirit was restored.

I hate feeling doubtful about myself and worrying if I am after all a truly evil person in wanting to break away. Without friends, it would be easy to get swallowed up in such rotten thoughts.

Onward and upward.

Daughter wants me to ride 20k with her on the bike while she runs and the rain is lashing against the windows making me shudder to think of stepping outside. We leave in 30 minutes apparently…..

 

 

Meh!

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Bit of a wobbly week, so far. Some of the old gloom is back and a sense of dread. Today I took the edited version of the consent to end the marriage to the solicitors. He has not seen it yet, but will tomorrow. I worry that it will cause more kicking off and finger pointing and boy does that make me edgy.

In less than two weeks (fingers crossed) it will be done and dusted. Bring it on. It is like living on a knife edge at times.

Feelings of hurt abound as well. Same old reasons as before, but I found a photo of me, still in its frame, in the wastepaper basket when I emptied it this morning….I have not been as thoughtless in my removal of personal items.

BUT there is always good stuff going on – my youngest sister is 50 today and has been putting up some colourful stuff on FB…bless! Mum will pale a little no doubt when she reads it!

I have been running twice this week and am booked in again for Friday. Beginning to love it. Over 3 ks now at any one time and feel proud. My ‘splits’ are getting shorter too.

Tonight is BookClub which is more about the wine and gossip, and my first attendance for months. Not drinking, but regardless, it is always a laugh.  Friends really make life ok.

Blogging helps too, started off all flat and now am ready to tackle my admin chore list.

Have a happy, blowy day out there x