Tag Archives: advice

Out of my head


This has been a long, long week of lectures and driving. We are packing all the academic stuff in before placement starts, theatres, followed by an elective surgery ward…

In this long week I have struggled to sleep and have been in a state of high anxiety for most of the time.

My artist sister and my lovely hairdresser/friend both extolled the words of Eckhart Tolle, especially his book, The Power of Now….I had a wee look and listen to him on a YouTube clip and did not warm to his slightly wombat like countenance. (Not that I don’t like wombats, I think they are gorgeous, and think me cruel, judgemental, whatever, but if I want to open my mind, I need to feel it is in the right place and time and with the right person)…BUT, after picking up a Deepak Chopra book for 57p, which was simple and similar to a lot of such writing, I put it aside and gave old Eckhart another listen while knitting my socks. (Yes, thank you, they are coming on nicely, progress picture soon..).

Some of it struck a nerve and reminded me of sessions with the counsellor about not living in my head, which is full of what ifs, fear, anxiety and other unhealthy emotions. The trick is to ‘step out of it’, out of the thoughts and leave them behind. I did some stepping out and in some ways it is no different to the old school ‘pull yourself together’ process, only the imagery is nicer and it feels like a CHOICE.

So I am working hard on choosing to be less worried and fretful and to work down my lists, to be gentle and kinder to myself and allow the blips.






Learning from life


A young Nepalese classmate came up to me after the last lecture yesterday and whispered in my ear that she wanted me to know that I am her inspiration. She is beautiful, intelligent and has an elegant sense of peace. It was moving and flattering.

Then I came home, drank too many glasses of wine, watched too much rubbish on the iPlayer and looked at pictures of the ex on the ‘net…..sad indeed. Bet my little Nepalese friend would not be so impressed with that version of me! I am certainly not.

As a result, I have spent a large part of today thinking hard about who and what sort of person I am at this stage in life. I am not happy with myself, although not unhappy with life per se. The future is exciting, I am fortunate with all I have both material and opportunity wise. Thanks to bloggers all over, I am learning how to live a more streamlined, frugal life, BUT, I could still be more caring, thoughtful, reflective and respectful.

It is important to learn from life’s slip ups. That young woman sees a version of me that I would like to be more often. Without being false.  She has helped me reflect and face a few rude truths and I am grateful.




History repeats…..embarrassingly


While trawling the ‘net for bits that I have written over the years, to stick in a portfolio of sorts, this article appeared. Awkward!! . That was 10 years ago….The photo is really dodgy, that bouffant hair was the creation of a ‘stylist’ that the magazine sent me to. It bobbed up and down when I walked!

Interesting that in those days it was all about getting back out there and if I were to write the story now? Completely different, I can tell you.




why do we feel bad about getting help?


I was at the uni today, the plan was to gym then study, before seeing the Head of the programme, but ‘the best laid schemes of mice and men…’ etc etc….

My nose has been streaming and it is bitterly cold so it was warm woollies and tissues for me all day, no sitting in a draughty library and no lycra!

When with the Head, she suggested given my current situation that I should apply for extenuating circumstances….this reeks of failure and weakness and all sorts of negative stuff. She patiently explained that if I were NOT going through this whole divorce, moving out, adjusting etc thing, then they would expect that the only thing that would impede my work would be me. However, with all this going on it is not likely that I am performing at my best. (True).  I talked it over with LE and tonight have submitted a request. It means that I can do the work but if I do not do well I can have another go without punishment. Not sure how fair it sounds, but I do know that I have been diligent and have only missed two days. I have worked long and hard at all aspects of the course and on placement, but really felt as if I was floundering before the exam.

Makes me wonder why it is sometimes so hard to accept the help offered.




Coming up for air


There is a change in the air, in me more than anything.  Something is bubbling up from deep inside and it is good. I feel better, more positive, more ready for the challenge of the next step, more committed to the degree and to looking after myself.

For anyone going through the end of a long term relationship I would say:

Cry when you have to.

Be angry (don’t hurt anyone or their property).

Have hateful thoughts (they don’t hurt people if they are only in your head).

Feel sorry for yourself – there is only so much wallowing a person can do and this stage will pass.

Be forgiving of yourself, no one can hold it together all the time and if you crack at work or on the bus etc. that is ok.

Remember that as low as you feel it is only a stage.

Embrace the painful, ugly parts of breaking up – sweeping them aside only means they have to be dealt with later.

I would also say that while huge decisions may have to be made, possibly about where you live, your children, finances, future, work, pets etc., try not to rush them and try not to deal with them all at the same time. Unless you have to.

GET HELP/SUPPORT. See a mediator who is trained and NEUTRAL to help with some of the decisions. This will save money and the dreadful stress of slogging things out between solicitors.

See a counsellor or other health professional to talk through your feelings.

Write things down in a notebook and carry it with you. It can be lists, feelings, ideas, contact numbers anything but it is about you for you.

Don’t be bullied, it does not matter what is being said about you or to you (to some extent, as long as it is not on social media or harmful in any other way). Just remember that you are not that person.

If you have it in you, exercise. Just go for a walk with a dog, a friend, your iTunes, whatever.

All of this is from my own experience. I have great friends and awesome sisters. I love what I do. I think we only have one chance in life and whatever blow we are dealt we need to make the most of it.

I feel better now because of the above and because of all the love that people have shown me.

If anyone reads this, and it helps in any way, then good.