How NOT to parent

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So youngest missed the bus yesterday and when I rang was in two minds about delaying the trip one more day or finding another cheap bus ride. I asked her to let me know.

Today I texted a few times in the morning – hoping for an ETA so I could plan a meal if necessary, nip up to the library, fit in a dog walk and study. Nothing. A couple of phone messages – nothing.

By lunch time I was anxious and truthfully, annoyed. When she did pick up she was drowsy and not sure what to do and wasn’t doing well….a worrying sign. But old stupid and thoughtless here started nagging.

Could she just have acknowledged my text at least to let me know she wasn’t coming? We had a drive to Belgium planned next week and I have not let my friend know when we will be there, waiting for youngest to arrive here and to work things out with her as she has friends to see as well. That means that I have not yet booked a kennel for the dogs and cat as I have no dates and basically I blurted all this out. She had asked me to help her with as student finance application and now I fear it will all be left so very late and she will struggle for funds.

Depression is a horribly selfish illness because when we are in it, we are in it and it is hard to be empathetic, sympathetic or even sometimes aware of how others might be feeling. BUT, at the back of my mind is always the idea that it is not fair to ignore others or am I expecting too much?

Communicating that one needs space, even telling ones mother to bugger off is communication. Saying nothing is so very cruel (my opinion). I told her and she was really upset. She claims she cannot talk to me because I am always annoyed with her. Far from it, but by the time I actually hear from her I am usually so worried and scared that she has done something, that I bite. So all she hears is my fear and that sounds a lot like anger.

She has blocked me and says she will talk to me tomorrow – I have countered with the promise that if she does not get in touch I will visit her. This is because so many times she has told me she will let me know where or how she is and doesn’t. No greetings at birthdays, Christmas, no thanks for gifts or money or sending her parcels when she forgets things at home. She has even traveled out of the country without telling me.  I am the enemy and feeling personally and directly responsible sometimes for the fact that my beautiful, highly intelligent daughter suffers so much.

I really want to learn how to communicate with her – but will she let me.

How not to parent.

 

 

 

 

 

ut in a student finance application, but

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