In the last few days we have been working together to sort out his bits and pieces for the move, storage, the charity shop and the tip.
When we moved here the house was fully furnished to the hilt with his deceased ex-wife’s possessions and things that they had bought together while they were married. I was given the all clear to change it all….However, with a grieving stepson, the last thing I wanted was to alter the home he had shared with his mum until he and we were more settled. Very slowly over the years we changed the bathroom and the kitchen and personal items like clothes were removed so that I would have drawer space.
Then there were things like a HUGE dinner service that was their wedding gift that I hinted I did not really want to use, along with paintings that were of times and places that were not part of our life, and furniture and in fact, a lot of stuff that just seemed to drown the place out. Multiple cutlery sets, hundreds of crystal glasses, a lot of stuff.
In time, despite me saying that these were some of the things I would like to change, I was told no. I used the dinner service, put up two pictures of my own, and was told that he did not like them but if I insisted, they could stay. I railed against the clutter and at times became depressed with a sense of being overwhelmed by it all.
Ironically, he has told me that now he wants only a few things and the blasted dinner service can go. I really wonder why it is ok now and not when it would have meant something to me, a new wife, setting up in a new home, in a new country with my little girls to have my feelings about all these things counted.
I resisted asking this question – thinking that if I have to ask then obviously it is not something that has ever crossed his mind…..