Shifting goal posts and being taken for a sucker – divorce is hell


It was all agreed, not the best solution but better than having to slog it out in court. Until last night and again this morning when he announced he does after all want to go ahead with a quicky divorce and will say that he was adulterous. My part in this is to tell the solicitor is it so, and for my efforts IF I fail the degree, he will give me an additional one year’s support so that I can re-sit any exams.

He of course gets off with just about everything he wanted and a fast divorce. The speed of thing is not the issue here, the issue is that we spent hundreds of pounds and many hours in a gruelling emotional set of meetings to come up with the separation agreement. I took that as my guide for the next few years and was just about to get the solicitor to sign it all off.

Another problem is that I cannot lie about something I believe to be a falsehood to a member of the legal profession. At one of our sessions the other half somewhat smugly told the mediator that he had a friend, a solicitor indeed, who had lied about adultery to get out of his marriage quickly. He was advised that is not the wisest course of action, and that he should not be too cocky (pun intended…lol got to laugh or I will go mad…). He then sort of admitted that he hadn’t been anyway so the next best option was to name me as having behaviour so unreasonable that he cannot live with me.

I had naively thought this might be a route, but after discovering that some dreadful things would have to be said about me, we both sort of backed down. (I had been told that as this divorce is my fault I had to take the sharp end of the stick here).

As he will be moving to warmer climes for two years, that seemed to fall in line with the natural period of living apart necessary for a straightforward ending. We won’t have to see one another and all we have to do at the end is basically sign the paperwork.

But, oddly, he has just spent some time with the aforementioned solicitor and has returned home emboldened no doubt by the notion of the ease in which he can claim to be a real Lothario and get the divorce done fast. He claims that in two years I MIGHT toss the agreement aside and ASK FOR MORE……..Really? I hope in two years I will be working and fending for myself.

I phoned my solicitor, because fast or slow, a divorce is coming and I am okay with that, but I am not ok with lying and not okay with having what we agreed on fiddled with and I am especially not ok with being bribed with a POSSIBLE extension of my allowance pending on my failing the course.

The mediator has explained that we can of course change the agreement by mutual discussion and consent, but nothing seems very mutual in this the latest movement of the goal posts.


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