The blog has changed.
Things could not be more chaotic, stressful, unsettled, scary and sad right now. After ten years we have called it quits. I waver from wanting to weep to feeling extremely calm. I often feel overwhelmed and swamped by what is to come. There is so much to discuss and do.
The girls head to uni over the next two weeks. One for the first time, to Manchester to do Physics. Her sister heads back north too to head up the Japanese Society at her uni, and to study as well!! I start my second year next week too. I am learning how to be a nurse.
There is more, but not for here and now.
There has to be a way to cope when one is so stretched, to find energy when one can barely think and to live a healthy, quiet life while storms rage around you.
My take on that is to finally work to develop a sense of order in my life. In the last week (we have been back from a visit to family in Australia only a WEEK!), I have emptied drawers and cupboards and have filled bags with unwanted, unused items. It has been hard and humiliating at times. What the hell was I thinking hanging on to so much tat to put on e-bay for so long? I thought of the money wasted, (mostly second hand stuff, I am not a big retail shopper), the space it all took, the odd sense I must have had to want to own it in the first place and the realisation that it did not make me feel one bit better. Then I took about 90% of it to the charity shop and gave it all away. The rest was dumped.
To look at the house you could not tell. BUT, I plan to keep going. Only my stuff, my clothes, books, bits and bobs.
I plan not to buy anything unless I NEED it, and for every thing I buy at least one item will go.
I plan to save money (more on this later…) by shopping better, planning better and making pack lunches for uni.
I plan to continue my running regime because it lifts my spirits and makes me fitter
and I plan to breathe.
At 54 it is tough to be undoing a life and starting another one. But here goes.